Dear Pramod

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tagIncest/TabooDear Pramod

Hello My Dear Readers…
The following is an e-mail sent by a Mature Indian Woman to her deceased Husband.
I have tried my best to make it as interesting as possible, and I hope all of you will like it.
Happy Reading!!
Dear Pramod,
I know you are not there, and this mail will never be read, but there is something I urgently want to talk to you about.
I don't know what is making me do this very silly act, but I miss you more than ever, Pramod!!
I don't want to use the word confession here, but I really cannot live another day without sharing this detail with you.
I know I don't owe you an explanation anymore, but I want to remain committed to you – So, it is very important for me that I tell you what happened last Sunday!!
I had been experiencing this strange pain around my shoulders, ever since I got back to the Gym – Staying at home and doing nothing, for almost a whole year after you left us, did take a toll on my once fit body!!
And that eventful morning, the cramps turned really bad – I knew I needed help.
I could still have easily driven myself to a Clinic and check for any muscle tear, but I wanted something better – I wanted a Massage!!
It had been a long time since I got one, and I thought a session would do me a lot of good – It was certainly going to help relax my mind too!!
I instantly checked online for possible appointments – Only to find that all the Parlours were either closed for the weekend or fully booked.
But by then, I had reached the conclusion that I needed a rub in the next one hour, if I was to survive that day.
Well… You know me!! I had wished for it, and I wanted it!!
It was right then that I saw our son walk into the living room, and I did not think twice before asking him for the unusual favor!!
He did straightaway tell me that he had no previous experience doing a massage, but agreed to give me a pressing, when I insisted.
At that time, I really had no worries about the arrangement – I was going to remain fully clothed, and he was a safe boy. He had never ever given me any wrong signals!!
I told him to work over the areas around my neck & shoulders, and he did exactly that using his strong hands – I was sitting on a plastic chair, and it was all okay and very normal.
I was starting to feel a lot better, and he had done me enough good in just under 15 minutes – I had already got all what I wanted!!
I still don't know what tempted me, but I just found myself asking him if he can massage my back too.
He immediately said yes, but told me he will need me to lay on my stomach!!
It was a right demand, and so I did just that – I got the Yoga Mat from my bedroom, and spread it on the floor, before getting myself into position.
Now this was not something I was prepared for, but I had no reasons to feel any less protected – I was dressed in a long kurta top & loose cotton pants, that shielded more than what was required at home!!
I do admit that I was a little bothered if he would ask me whether I wanted him to apply some oil, and did wonder how odd it will be if I rejected his direct touch – But fortunately, he did not even care to ask that question. He simply started to work on my tight back muscles, without any fuss!!
Pramod… I am sorry I have to tell you all this, and I already assure you nothing very bad happened – But it was around here that things started to get out of hand!!
It was not at all our son's fault – It was just that I had not made it clear enough to him!!
And very soon, he was kneading not just the upper & middle sections of my back, like I wanted him to, but also the extra sensitive spots around my waist & hips.
He wasn't doing anything extraordinary, Pramod, and I hate myself as I confess this to you – I was beginning to get turned on, and I did nothing to stop him either!!
He kept shuffling his hands between the different zones of my back, and eventually, I could not prevent myself from spreading my thighs – My choice of clothing helped keep the movements hidden, but I knew I was leaking, and I was certain that my pussy was drenched!!
It suddenly crossed my mind whether our son too was being made excited in the process – There was no way I could complain if he was feeling the hots, because this very scenario was an extremely celebrated setup in the sleazy provisions the Internet offered.
There was all the chance that he would have watched the videos that carnally described the after-effects of a massage, especially to a lonely mature woman, and it disturbed me that I was not able to read what he was having in his mind – I had definitely not given him any wrong impressions, but it was not everyday that he would have his mother lying before him!!
And, how much ever I wanted to convince myself that I was neatly dressed for the ocassion and I was giving our son nothing to lose his way, there was also no denying the fact that my butt would still be clearly projecting out and he could have spotted it!!
Well… You know that better than anybody, Pramod – You know my body better than I do, and I don't think I need to explain!!
A few more moments later, I strangely started to sense he was going further down my back, each time he repeated the action, and at one point, the tip of his fingers even grazed the top-most part of my ass cheeks, giving me the chills!!
As much as I did not want it, the truth was that I did expect this to happen – I don't know why, but I really did anticipate an uncomfortable touch.
I wanted to intervene, and was ready to bring the session to an end – But, all I did was shamelessly let out a low moan!!
I felt forced to imagine how things would have been if I had worn something that gave him more access to my body – I felt forced to imagine how things would have been if I had laid down with nothing on my back!!
I felt forced to imagine how things would have been if it was another man giving me the massage – I felt forced to imagine how things would have been if our son was having another woman in front of him!!
All sorts of twisted thoughts filled my otherwise sane mind – I had not been so stimulated any time before!!
I wanted to let him know he was making me wet – I wanted to let our son know he was doing to his mother what nobody had done to her in the last many months!!
He was now focusing more on my hips, and when his hands went back upwards, he kept squeezing the sides of my body, stopping only just milli-metres away from my under-boob, causing me to believe he was going to grope my breasts, each time!!
But, he did not!!
And, I took that to be a good sign!!
He was very much stable, and very much in control – It was I who needed to remain calm, but unfortunately, I could not!!
I was so aroused, I felt like I needed more – I knew I was not going to stop until I got what I had been missing.
I was more than happy to believe that my craving was only reasonable – Thankfully, I was also lawful enough to understand I could not afford to let my desires lead me to participate in an immoral deed!!
I knew I had to bring this thrilling activity to a quick conclusion, but I also knew it had to be in the most pleasant manner possible – I wanted to climax, but I also wanted to be sure our son did not know!!
Making sure he would not notice, I moved my left hand underneath my body, before slowly proceeding to guide it inside my pants – Only to remind myself of the reality that I was wearing no under-wear.
I was a bit upset that I totally forgot to wear one, yet another time, this month, but that did not mean I was staying motionless in distress – My fingers had gladly crept up to my pussy, and had already started showing some love to my folds!!
I was constantly checking if our son was aware of what his mother was doing – And much to my delight, he had hardly flickered!!
I had reached the stage where I couldn't make myself stop, even if I wanted to, and I moved my whole hand across my dripping pussy, carefully, as my legs drifted even more apart!!
However, this particular action caught a little of his attention, and it was only then that he asked me for the first time if I was feeling any better – I really wished I could tell him exactly how great I was feeling, but I just nodded, biting my lips hard to make sure I did not moan, one more time!!
I was confident I did not have to, yet I asked him if he was okay massaging me – To which he replied he was fine doing anything for me, as long as it made me happy.
That very moment, as much as I had wished he did not make an indecent move on me, I also started to increasingly yearn for him to do something totally unexpected!!
In all likelihood, our son was not going to do what his mother wished – But she very evidently was doing the unimaginable, and continued using her fingers over her clit!!
I was in a world of my own, and a few mere seconds later, I slipped my middle finger inside my soggy love-hole.
It was something I probably should never have done with our son so close to me – But even before my brain processed that thought, I had pushed one more finger into the interiors of my vagina!!
That was it!! Lust had completely taken over me!!
My starving pussy could no longer settle to being just teased, and my fingers gleefully did the needful, sliding in & out of my front bottoms!!
I was pleasing myself, in the most awkward setting, and the result was a deep inarticulate sound!!
I groaned so loudly, Pramod!!
I made so much noice that our son took his hands off my body, right away!!
I knew I had messed up, I knew I had reasons to be ashamed of myself – But, I also had reasons to feel extremely proud!!
Because, despite the infinite number of ways our son could have turned this difficult scenario into his advantage, if he wanted to, he simply immediately left the space, in the most dignified style, saying he had a prior appointment!!
It was his way of maintaining morality, and it really pleased me that our son was not at all influenced by the dark venereal energy that surrounded this world.
He loved his mother!! He respected his mother!! He wanted his mother to remain his mother!!
I loved him, too!! I really admired how he worked extra hard, after you left us!! I always wished the best for him!!
Yet, that scandulous moment, I was only trying to forget I was his mother!!
As soon as he left, I turned myself around, and pushing my pants all the way down, I mercilessly fingered my hungry pussy.
I was screaming like a sex-crazed loose female, reminiscing about the uneasy yet sensual encounter with our son, but I did not just stop there – I went ahead to imagine how satisfying it would have been if he had got on top of me, and the thought made my body stiffen, in a flash!!
I kept asking myself how I would have reacted if he had made an attempt to enter inside me.
Honestly, I was still confused whether I would resist or whether I would admit how horny he was making me – But, what I could confirm was that it felt amazing to have my fingers inside my tight famished hole!!
This was the first time I had touched myself from anywhere other than the closed space our bathroom offered, and I knew how wild I was being.
I was thoroughly enjoying the self-abuse, recollecting plenty of instances from my once rich & adventurous sex-life, yet kept being filled with visions of our son!!
It allured me, and pushed me to disgracefully enquire to myself whether he would have rushed out of the house not because he guessed what was happening to his mother, but because he himself was starting to lose grip over his mind!!
I was tempted to picture him strip out of his t-shirt & shorts, and stand unclothed in front of me!!
I wanted to and I needed to feel the warmth of a man's body, and I visualized our young son giving me the pleasure!!
I fantasized about him pumping deep into my neglected cavity, and there was no more denying that I wished for my boy to satisfy me!!
I could still feel his grip on my hips, and I quizzed myself why I did not get him to ground his manhood into my greedy pussy, right then. It offended me that he did not make a move. All he needed to have done was rip apart my bottoms – I was so ready for him!!
I was so sexually intoxicated, I felt I was even hearing the sound of his balls slapping against my butt, as he took me from the back!!
I was fully convinced that it was him who later turned me around, and I really could feel he was actually doing me, pounding me in the missionary position, and I was all set to wrap my legs around him!!
Three of my fingers were being rammed into my vagina, and it was just a matter of time before I came – I was relentlessly moaning & groaning.
And when I finally climaxed, I also imagined our son fill his white seeds inside me, at the same time!!
Pramod, I had most of my orgasms with you, and the rest I gave myself were a result of thinking about you – Okay!! I don't want to lie, but you know that it was you majority of the times!!
This was the first time I had imagined somebody so young – And surprisingly, it felt unbelievably good.
More importantly, it was our own son that I had dreamt about – And I seriously wished it was really happening!!
I know sharing this with you is very much meaningless, and I know it will not undo what I have done. You have every right to believe I strayed, but I want you to know that I am still only yours – I will never break the trust you had on me. I am forever yours. I give you my word!!
This was just a strange event that I could have avoided, but I did not – I will never ever think of our son, again, or any another person!!
He too has not showed any signs of discomfort or lewdness after the weird run-in, and I want to let you know that we are both over that incident!!
Yes!! We both really have moved on!!
Okay!! Pramod!! I am sorry!! I think I need to clarify!!
It breaks me to add that I have since then hoped our son would give me massages on a regular basis – I don't know what has got into me, but I just can't stop giving the thought a miss.
It is Saturday today, and almost one whole week has passed, but there is nothing that seems to bring an end to the visions!!
It also hurts me that I was least bothered about the impact this raunchy experience would have had on our son – Truth be told, I still haven't been able to completely make myself understand that I was being unfair to him, and a part of me adamantly wants me to think that he would have found at-least a little gratification from the clash!!
I am wrong here, and I know that!!
But don't you worry, Pramod!!
I have this under control!!
I will not let my illicit desire grow anymore – I promise you that!!
You don't believe me?! Well, think about how things were when we started – We had nothing after we eloped, and I lived with you in a 1 Bedroom Apartment, you shared with 8 of your other male friends.
You do remember those days, don't you?!
You do remember how bad it was, don't you?!
They were all kind enough to give us the bedroom – But the 10 of us shared what could easily be called the smallest bathroom in the world!!
I never told you this before, but I have more than once seen each of them naked, Pramod. And most times, it felt too impossible to be an accident – They were literally flashing their tools to their dearest buddy's wife!!
They have all tried to flirt with me, Pramod…
They have all tried getting touchy with me, Pramod…
They have all tried to be on the bed with me, Pramod…
But, did I let them have their way with me?! No!! The Answer is No, Pramod!!
I did not open up to you about their sleazy advances, but I had also made sure you could always walk with your head held high.
I controlled my emotions during the period every newly married wife would want sex the most – I waited for one full year to spread my legs for you, and I saved my purity for you, until we got ourselves a place of our own.
I had all the chance in the world, Pramod – I never took it!!
I was happy with just being loved by you!!
And I know you still love me, and that realization is more than enough for me!!
I know how to tame myself – I have done it many a times in the last 20 years, and I will do the same again!!
Pramod!! I mean… I will try to do the same again!!
See… I cannot lie to you!! You know me better than anybody!!
I just want to tell you that I will not do anything that will hurt you!!
Please trust me!!
I really won't!!
I know you are now in a place filled with happiness, and I am glad!!
I mean… Shit!! That is not what I meant!! I miss you here!!
I am just very bad with words, Pramod… Of course, I could just erase that sentence, and re-type it right – But, you know me!! Every time I do that, I ask myself if I am hiding something!!
Pramod… I really wish you were here with me, and we were doing what we did best!!
Okay!! I am sorry… I don't know if I can say that to you…
I feel so heavy…
Maybe it's because it is 4:30 AM, and I have not slept since the day before yesterday, and I have all sorts of thoughts in my mind, and I am losing it a bit.
I have been thinking about too many things…
I don't know…
I guess I should not type anything more…
So… That is it… I think I should just stop here… I know you are so far away… I know you are gone… I just want you to you know that I really miss you…
I love you, Pramod!!
I really hope I will not have to write another mail!!
Always Your Darling Wife,

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