I finally got up the boldness and ordered a vibrator. Actually, I got it from the site that Marriage Heat rmends, Married Dance. It’s the purple Gee vibe. I picked it because it looked smaller than most of the others, and I wanted to start with something that wouldn’t be humongous. It ended up being bigger than I thought! If you recall, I’ve only ever inserted a finger or a tampon in my vagina, and this vibe looks to me like a slim penis.
Since I didn’t want to risk anyone hearing it (though it’s thankfully very quiet), I took it in the shower with me. However, water is not a good lube, which I did already know, so that didn’t work. I decided to just take the plunge, settle myself in my room, and try it. I had been feeling aroused all day and rubbing myself and getting nice and damp. I’ll generally start with my clothes on, teasing my folds over my underwear and enjoying the friction of cloth on flesh. My routine has been to undress and hump a towel, but I’ve been experimenting with sitting in front of a mirror, my back to the bed, as I touch myself and even stick a finger inside. I’m trying to find pleasure spots in my vagina. At some angles, I wiggle my finger against the front wall, putting pressure on my bladder, and that feels good. I like laying on my back on the floor, too, with my legs up on the bed.
This time I did some work with my fingers, enjoying the whole view meanwhile, then grabbed the vibrator. I used coconut oil as lube and began gently pushing the slick vibe’s head against my hole. It was hard to get something so thick inside. I had to put a finger in first so I could clearly feel where I needed to aim, then pressed the vibe in. It took some work, and it hurt at the entrance with the same pain I’d felt when I had the transvaginal ultrasound a few months earlier. Plus, the vibe is fattest at the tip.
But then it slid in and fit fine! I was so thrilled. First I just used it like a dildo, not turned on, just drawing it in and out a little, twisting it, seeing what it touched. The sensation was odd. I couldn’t feel anything directly; it’s almost like my vagina is numb. Is that normal? I did that for awhile, then tried the different settings. To be honest, it didn’t give any pleasure. It just felt like a hard buzz inside me. So I turned it off and went back to just maneuvering it around. I pulled it out and finished with my usual towel-grinding.
The next day, I tried it again. This time I gave the vibrating settings another chance, and found that the prolonged pulses were my favorite. If I can get the vibe head touching just the right spot on that front wall, it feels very good. And I really like sliding it in and out. Not all the way out; just to where the thick head stretches my opening. I’ve noticed that sometimes, usually just when I start a masturbating session, the area right at the entrance is very sensitive in a really delicious way. It feels so good to stimulate it.
I tried a bunch of different positions, trying to detect sensations with the angles I was sitting or lying at. The best was seated with my back to the bed, right leg stretched out to the right, left leg bent and knee almost pulled up against my torso. I support myself with my left hand on the floor and use my right to work the vibe. I enjoy how wet and slimy the vibe (and my hand) gets. And my brain is definitely picturing the vibe as my future husband’s cock! Thinking along those lines keeps me wet and aroused, which helps make the feeling of something inside me more enjoyable.
My takeaway? It was a good thing for me to make this purchase and step up my self-exploration. I’ll continue experimenting with the different settings and with positions so I can find the areas in my vagina that give pleasure. Strangely, my clit, at least externally, feels nothing. I tried placing the vibe on it, and it did nothing for me. I think it’s the internal parts of the clitoris I need to hunt for. I’m just not sure how. But I am excited to proceed with the search!