Incest/TabooSerendipity 05: Happy Birthday, Dads!
V. Happy Birthday, Dads!
In case we haven't mentioned it, both Paul's and my Daddy's birthdays are in February, less than two weeks apart. Lauren and I thought it would be cool to do a joint birthday for them, something really special. Just exactly what, however, was the problem. It was hard to think of a "thing" that we could give to both of them. And 'matching' somethings-or-other was just too — well, it'd be like giving them 'date-mate' gifts. And so the best we could come up with was a great dinner at a really nice place like the Char-House, with lots of good wines, etc. And I'm sure it would be nice, and we'd have a great time but, still, 'a nice dinner' is kind of trite. So we were still open to a better idea.
One afternoon, Lauren came back to our apartment, bursting with news. "Remember Candace? My roommate from my first year? She left the dorm to marry her long-time boyfriend, Ted? I ran into her at the Union today. Guess what — she's pregnant!"
"Yeah, I remember Candace — the cute, bubbly one with the curly blond hair? She's pregnant? How's she doing?"
"Well, that's kind of a mixed story. First, the pregnancy is going well. She's in her eighth month, can you believe it! The second thing is, she's huge! Well, huge for her, anyway. You remember how petite she is.
Yes, I remembered that Candace is barely five foot two, petite, and had a disgustingly wholesome 9th grade cheerleader quality about her. Actually, that isn't quite fair. She's a really sweet girl, she's extremely kind and thoughtful, and despite giving off an airhead vibe, she's scary smart, doing well in some kind of engineering curriculum.
"We'll, anyway, the pregnancy is going great, but some other things aren't. Her husband, Ted — I don't know if you ever met him or not — he's in the National Guard, and his unit got called up before they knew she was pregnant. So now she's pregnant and without Ted — she's been in love with Teddy since the 7th grade, and she hates being away from him. And to top it off, they have a deferred tuition installment that's due in about 45 days, and their plan was that Ted would be back and at his regular job earning his regular salary by now and that the tuition wouldn't be a problem. But turns out, his unit got their deployment extended, so even with his employer supplementing some of the difference between his Guard pay and his regular salary, it's not going to be enough. So now, in addition to the pregnancy and having Ted gone, she's got this added pressure of the tuition, and she's afraid that the stress isn't good for her or the baby."
"Wow, talk about a string of inconvenient events!"
"And," here Lauren burst out laughing, "to top it off, she's horny as hell! Between missing Ted and her hormones running wild, she say's she's constantly consumed by thoughts of sex — any kind of sex — and that she has to get herself off at least half-a-dozen times a day!"
We both broke into laughter picturing Candace — little, pregnant Candace — with her dilemma. After enjoying our laugh, Lauren calmed down and tried to get serious.
"And that brings me to something that's so off-the-wall it could just possibly be brilliant. You know how we've been struggling for an idea of what to do for our dads' birthdays, and how we've kinda settled on a nice dinner at a good restaurant, but neither of us is really enthusiastic about the idea, right? Well, what if we were to do two things — help out Candace and Teddy and get our dads a birthday present that's truly memorable?"
She paused. One part of my brain connected the dots, while the other part didn't even consider the possibility that that's where Lauren might be headed.
"You and I have set aside a small ton of money to do or get something really special for our dads. What if … what if, instead of giving it to an extravagant restaurant for some overpriced bottles of wine, we … use it to help Candace and give our dads that birthday present they'll never forget!?"
"You mean buy them a night with a pregnant Candace?"
"Think about it, Janey. Candace is a terrific person who's a really good student and needs the money to stay in school. And she's also trying to deal with some serious physical needs."
Here we broke out laughing again. "Bottom line — would could help her out with both of her problems and also give our dads a memorable birthday. Win-win-win!"
Lauren continued, "I know what kinds of things you're thinking. That we're buying our dads a hooker for the night. That Candace is desperate and needs money. That she's also pregnant and has a husband who loves her and is half-way across the world from her." She paused. "I had the same concerns. So I kind of sounded Candace out about some of these issues. First, Teddy loves her so much, and he feels so guilty for leaving her pregnant and horny and without him, that he'd probably say it'd be OK.
"In fact, since Candace already knows my dad and likes him, this could be the best arrangement for both Candace and Teddy: two clean, good-looking men who are both fathers, and she already knows one of them, and who'd treat her well, and there's no chance that she could fall in love with either of them, or they with her. Candace thought that if she were to do something like this, that these would be the kind of guys that Teddy would feel safest about."
"Lauren, this is pretty far-out, even in light of our 'non-traditional' arrangements. And our dads, with our one huge exception, are pretty straight-arrow middle-class dads. What makes you believe they'd ever consider doing something this wild?"
"What? You think they might be hesitant about their two daughters paying money so they can have a night of sex with an enormously pregnant Barbie doll who has a loving husband who's in the Army in the Middle East? What could possibly be wrong with that?"
"Well, when you explain it that way,… ," and we fell onto my bed, rolling with laughter.
"And about the money, …Candace was so excited about the chance for physically and emotionally safe sex she said forget about the money — she and Teddy would manage the tuition payment somehow, but I told her we'd keep that matter open."
"So, …what do we do?"
Lauren said, "For now, let's think about this for a few days — think about how Matthew and Dad would feel about this, think about the chance for problems for Teddy and Candace, … anything."
Two days later, Lauren asked me, "Well, have you thought about our dads' birthday present?"
I replied that I was still kind of on the edge — on the one hand, I thought it was a great idea, on the other hand, I wondered if we were going someplace we shouldn't go.
Lauren said, "Look, I've got some more information. I talked with Candace yesterday night, and she's really excited — if we're still willing, that is. She emailed Teddy — she didn't trust their usual Skype sessions because she isn't too sure how private Skype really is, and also, she just didn't want to risk them being overheard by any of the guys who might be around when they were Skyping. He said it was a great idea! He really feels awful about leaving her pregnant and alone, and if she trusts this arrangement, then he's all for it. I was still skeptical, but she showed me the email from Teddy. It's the real deal. He must really love her!
"We agreed that next Saturday would be best. We talked about where — her place (kind of small), our place, or getting a motel room. I don't know how you'll feel, but we liked the idea of the motel room. Big enough, thick walls, nothing from everyday life to be a distraction, plus it would be so wonderfully dirty to get a room!
"One more thing — or two, I guess you could say. First, she offered to let us come and watch. She thought that since this is going to be a birthday present for out dads, we should be there to see them enjoy their present. She's so funny. So, how do you feel about watching a three-way with our fathers and a pregnant coed wife?"
I thought, "Well, if were going this far, what the heck? And I kinda like the image of Paul and Daddy 'unwrapping their gift'!"
"And the other thing with us being there was, she wondered how we would feel about making a video of the evening so she'd be able to share it with Teddy when he comes home?"
"That is so-o-o kinky — I'm really starting to love Candace!"
"Okay — then I'll start setting it up, beginning with finding the right kind of hotel room. I'm thinking of some kind of motel, where we could pretty much go in and out of our room without encountering a lot of motel staff or other guests. And maybe some food and drinks. I bet that staying hydrated will be a major concern for the evening.
"The other thing, dear Jane, is that you and I will have to figure out the best way to sit down with the guys and present this whole thing to them. There is absolutely no way that we could just spring this on them and shout, 'Surprise!'. So, think."
Lauren got serious. "There's one other thing that Candace told me. She and Teddy tried for a long time to get pregnant, and it just wasn't happening. They even thought that the problem might be that Teddy had a low sperm count — can you believe she's telling me this? Well, one time Ted's dad, Ed — "Big Ed" — was here for a visit. Long story, … it was about the two-year anniversary of his wife Verleen's death, and he was really down. It hurt Ted so much to see his dad hurting this way that he told Candace that it would be all right if she wanted to "make Dad feel better" — but only if it was okay with Candace. We'll, you know Candace — she wants to take in every stray puppy and make everybody feel better. So Teddy went out, and she spent a couple hours helping Big Ed with his unhappiness.
"Well, this baby is due almost exactly nine months from the weekend that she and Ted's father fucked. Remember, she'd been off the pill for more than a year, and airhead that she can be, she hadn't even thought about her diaphragm in years, so … there's a chance that Ted's dad could be the father of her baby."
"Wow! Does she think it is?"
"She says she has no idea, but it's certainly possible. And she says that that would be okay — that either way they would have a beautiful baby, and that it would have Teddy's genes."
"Guys, you know you have some birthdays coming up, and we wanted to talk with you about how to celebrate.
"We wanted to make it something special and different, but hard as we tried, we couldn't get beyond a big dinner at a nice restaurant. But them something else came up."
Here's where Lauren came in. "I have a friend — actually, you know her, Dad, she was my roommate first year. Candace? You remember her, right?"
Paul said, "Sure, I remember her — cute little thing, smart as a whip. How's she doing?"
"In most ways, pretty well. She married her forever boyfriend, Ted — I'm sure you remember her talking about Teddy all the time. And they're pregnant, and they're really looking forward to the baby. That's the good part. The not so good part is that Teddy's National Guard unit got their deployment to the Middle East extended, and this is causing some financial strain for them."
"And that's how Lauren got this idea," I broke in.
"Dad, you remember how Candace is — really cute, with a great little figure and so outgoing and happy all the time — she's just a really great girl. Well, she's also seven months pregnant and her hormones are running wild and, well, as she puts it, she's horny as hell all the time. And — here's where it gets a little tricky — I offered to let her have a night with the two of you. She would be our birthday present to you, and you'd be doing a big, huge favor for her. She asked her Teddy, and I saw his email — he said it would be great. He really feels guilty about leaving her — needy — like this. And Dad, he knows about you and how Candace knew you, and he says that if Matthew is anything like you, that it'd be fine. He's sure you guys would be perfect — fathers, good-looking, safe, and you'd take good care of her, and there'd be no emotional entanglements. Well, what do you think?"
And we waited.
Paul spoke first, possibly because, since he at least already knew Candace, he had a leg up on Daddy. He took a breath and said, "Okay … let me see if I understand this. You want Matt and me to spend a night with your pregnant friend Candace — the one from your first year, in McCarren Hall? — because she's very sexually needy …"
"She's horny, Dad."
" … Okay, horny, and she's been away from her husband, and he'll be away even longer, and he says this is all OK? Do I have it all right?"
"Yup, that's about the size of it."
Paul sighed and looked at Daddy. "You talk."
Daddy said, "Why, again, are you wanting to do this?"
Me: "Because we love you and it's your birthdays and we want to help Candace, and Candace wants it, and Teddy wants her to have this. Does all that make enough people happy, Daddy?"
Daddy sighed, almost in resignation, and said, "I dunno — I'm all out of objections." Looking at Paul, "You?"
Paul: "Pretty much 'ditto.' I'm kinda worried about Candace — physically, I mean. Will she be okay? I mean, in her condition?"
Lauren laughed. "Don't worry, Dad, pregnant women are incredibly sturdy, as well as horny, and except for some adjustments in positions, everyone will do just fine. Besides, you know how I've been saying she's 'cute'? Well, that's just because of her size. If she were taller, people would say she was 'hot' — and now, she's not just hot, she's pregnant-hot!"
"Give us some time. I think I'm okay — maybe even a little excited at the idea — but give Matt and me some time to be sure about it."
"We love you, guys. And trust us — you'll have a great time. In fact, between how hot Candace looks and the level of her sex drive right now and her happy personality, you'll have fun!"
"Oh, one other thing," I added, "At Candace and Teddy's request, Lauren and I will be there, to make sure that everyone has drinks and gets fed and stuff. And to record the evening."
Paul: "Oh, lordy, is there any way this can get any stranger?"
Then Lauren added, "Oh, yeah, another thing. You guys better see your doc's and get some prescriptions for some ED pills, like Viagra or something. Because it's going to be a long night, and in her condition, she'll wear you two out." Then she winked at me and said, "Janey 'n' I'll get the lube and lotions."
"One other thing. When you meet Candace in the hotel room? Would you want her already in a dressing gown? Or would you like her to be dressed, so you can unwrap your present?", figuring that if I could get them to indicate a choice on this, they'd be that much closer to having committed to the plan.
Daddy and Paul glanced at each other.
Bingo! — Committed!
And that's how Lauren and I ended up at up at Candace's apartment the following Saturday afternoon. Candace was downright ecstatic. She was bubbling on about how excited she was, and how wonderful it would be, and how horny she was, and so on.
Lauren said, "I hope you did what I said and didn't touch yourself today. The guys have been saving themselves all week for you."
Candace blushed a deep pink. "I couldn't help it — I rubbed myself off before I got out of bed this morning, but I've held back since then, and I promise I'll be good."
We did an inventory to make sure that she had all the toiletries and apparel and any meds and vitamins and supplements she would need. We also brought one of my robes we thought might fit her if her own was too small now (it was) in case she got cold during "intermissions."
Finally, what she was going to wear to meet Dad and Paul. We looked in her closet, and then in all her drawers, trying to find something that would strike just the right note and would also make a nice 'birthday package' for the men to 'unwrap.' We quickly decided on a red and white striped tube top that she'd bought a few months ago and which still fit her — more tightly than it had when she first got it, which made it even sexier. To go with it, a red straight skirt that had an elastic expansion panel across most of the front. With her white sandals (among the few shoes she could still wear), she really did look like a sexy, tightly-wrapped present! Candace was still nervous about the choices, but Lauren and I knew it was the perfect outfit — for everyone.
Lauren stayed with Candace — to keep her calm, mostly — while I went to Target to pick up other supplies for the next 24 hours or so: waters, juices, Red Bull and Monster for the guys (none for Candace), whatever fruit looked good (bananas, and 'fresh' strawberries imported from God-knows-where), cereal, some good coffee, and milk. Also, lotion, body oil, some Duration lotion for the guys, sanitizer, and wet-naps. Plus, some Reddi-Wip — just in case! Also, an extra SD memory card for the video recorder I borrowed.
On the way back to Candace's, I stopped at the Doubletree to check in, and to check out our room. As requested, they put us in a "King Suite," which meant it had a "sleeping" (ha!) area plus a nice sitting room area with a couch that folded out into a queen-sized bed, since Lauren and I would be spending the night there. Also a kitchen area with microwave, a fairly large mini-fridge, and a small sink. Also a spacious bathroom with separate shower and tub, plus a second sink counter outside the bathroom. In all, this would be perfect.
I went back down to the car and got the stuff from Target and took it up to the room. I stowed the food and then placed the other items conveniently around the bed area. Then I drove to Candace's. We talked a little, then decided it was time to go to the hotel. Candace was so sweet. She was nervous and giggly and resembled nothing so much as a nervous bride headed for her honeymoon bed.
We debated about whether it would be smoother if Candace were already at the hotel room, or if the guys were already in the room and we brought Candace to them. We decided that it would be best, in several ways, if they were waiting in the room and we brought their present to them. (Also, we thought that Candace might go nuts having to wait.)
So the guys were already there in the room when we brought Candace up. As we had suggested to them, they were dressed in nice-casual — soft dress slacks, soft long-sleeved pullovers, slip-on shoes — and of course, looking — and smelling — their very best! Candace looked, well, adorable.
As soon as Lauren helped her off with her coat, she ran over to Paul and threw her arms around his neck and gave him a big kiss on the cheek. "Hi, Mister J!"
Paul hugged her — carefully — and said, "Hello, Candace, it's really good to see you. I've been looking forward to tonight. And I think that under the circumstances, 'Paul' would be just right."
Then she turned to Daddy. Paul said, "And this is Matt Blake, Jane's father."
Daddy said, "Hello, Candace — Paul said you were a beauty, and he was right."
Candace went to Daddy and put her cheek against his chest and squeezed him tightly. He put his arms around her and held her. I was so proud of my Daddy! He had said exactly the most perfect thing you could say to a woman who's seven-plus months pregnant.
We sat down in the sitting area and Lauren and I got drinks for everyone, and we attempted to talk. But with everyone knowing what this was about, it was kind of awkward. Finally, it was me who said, "Well, Candace, is it time for the men to unwrap their birthday present?"
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